Choosing Joy thanks to Him: This is too much God.

That is all I can keep saying.
This is too much.
TOO much.
Too too very much for right now.

why right now God?
I thought you give us calm after the storm?
Taylor just got hit with two huge waves, where is his calm?
This is too much for a 21 year old boy; losing his Dad and his very best friend in a span of 3 months.
This is the stuff that makes people bitter and angry.

Then I am reminded by my Healing After Loss book by Martha Whitmore Hickman from Coach Smelley that "jan 10: In life, as in death, we draw our power from the same source".
and that is why Taytay will be OK. He has a whole lot of joy in life that he draws from God, this pain may cripple him for a bit, but even in these deaths Taylor's ability to live and love comes from the same source as when life is going easier.

But for right now, life is being difficult. And that is what I am realizing more and more every day...
life IS difficult.
I don't know that I have ever grasped that fact.
But I do now.
We are not promised anything, we are not promised a calm after the storm, we are not promised a break, we are not promised to return to a normal life, we are not promised a break from funerals, we are not promised our friends/family/jobs.

But we are promised, ugh here I go about to be cliche and Jesus-y...we are promised that God will not give us more than we can handle. So I know Taylor, the boys in his house, the Davis family, they will handle this.

I know that God hears these tears.
Psalm 18:6 "But in my distress I cried out to the Lord; yes, I prayed to my God for help. He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry to him reached his ears."

so God...This hurts, this is a major blow to everyone around Nick. It doesn't make sense. what is taytay supposed to do without Nick attached at his hip, without his Dad to help him through this. I feel paralyzed God, I want to curl up in a ball and not hear of any more pain in this world.

This is too much.

But, God gives us what we need as He sees fit and in perfect time, so this verse was what I read this morning...
Psalm 18:16-19
"He reached down from heaven and rescued me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemies, from those who hated me and were too strong for me. They attacked me at a moment when I was in distress, but the Lord supported me. He led me to a place of safety; he rescued me because he delights in me."

So instead of saying over and over "this is too much God"
I am going to say "life IS difficult, but the Lord supports me."

This is Nick and TayTay on top of half dome...I like to think of Nick and my Dad doing this same pose up there in heaven looking down on TayTay as his own little guardian angels cheering him on to go thrive and take on this world.