dont worry... even though it is a genetic curse for the women in my family haha

Matthew 6

25 "That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food, and your body more than clothing?26 Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to him than they are?27 Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?
28 "And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing,29 yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are.30 And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?
31 "So don't worry about these things, saying, 'What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?'32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs.33 Seek the Kingdom of God* above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
34 "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today.

The moment we let the cares of this world come in, we let negative thoughts and anxiety to set in and that is not of God. Rather, we should rejoice daily, and know we are "a conquerer and co-heir with Christ, so firm on His promise I'll stand", and know "no weapon forged against me shall remain". (Desert Song by Hillsong, so good, we sing it in chapel all the time).

A family friend sent me a message that was so awesome, and so encouraging that I have repeated it over and over to myself, and also shared it with my friend going through the same thing as us right now and he also was so comforted by it. "Keep lifting your eyes up...just like Peter in the boat....as long as your eyes are on Him you can walk on water....when you begin to look at the waves and the storm around you and your focus shifts...that is when we begin to sink."

(I hope you don't mind my copyrighting right now friend), but what great words to really keep our focus where it matters and where it is fruitful.

brother lawrence...

Tonight I re-opened up "The Practice of the Presence of God" by Brother Lawrence, I read it while I was in Europe in May, this quote was underlined and starred :)

"If we knew how much He loves us, we would always be ready to face life-both its pleasures and its troubles. The difficulties of life do not have to be unbearable. It is the way we look at them- through faith or unbelief-that makes them seem so. We must be convinced that our Father is full of love for us and that He only permits trials to come our way for our own good".

I can't keep up with all the growth happening in my heart and the depth of my relationship with God that keeps growing deeper.

2 options...

Well I just went on one of my morning runs which always gets my brain going for the day (ps what a beautiful day here the sun is actually shining!), which unfortunately for you guys means you have more of my rambling to read, but fortunately for God and me it adds another heart sticker to our relationship.

After my run I was thinking about where I was this time of year my first year at college-I was an emotional WRECK(way way more than I have been freaking out during this), with a poor self-image, very much disliking my school, lonely, but I was also newly creating a relationship with God, I was digging into His word and going to church all alone. realization: if this had happened my freshman year I would not have had the stability in my relationship with God to handle it with a sane reaction, I would have been a basket-case every day. When this happened I had 2 choices: 1) was to be a roller-coaster of emotions, more negative than positive, and when I was upset I would not have the knowledge to do anything but cling to God as a security blanket (when a relationship with Him is so much more than Him comforting us when we are sad). the second choice 2) was to choose joy amongst the pain, and to walk through this holding God's hand and listening to what He has to teach us. The option of joy is what I am doing now, while the emo option was what would have been a result freshman year. The joy option is healthier for our family, and is a much better way to live.

What a ways God has brought me through college...

one more thing...

I needed to say this before I went to bed for anyone who reads this....

I don't know what page you are on with God, and I know I am young and new to this whole experience, but heres the bottom line...You are NOT going to make it in life, find joy, find meaning, find peace- if you do not have a relationship with God. period.

He never lets go!

I went home this weekend because I wanted to see Daddy before he started chemo Monday(tomorrow). A visit home was very needed, just sitting with my dad while I did homework and he watched football, laughing with him, teasing each other and just being in the same room. It was very tough to come back to school, leaving behind the image of my dad as I have always known him, I am just afraid the next time I see him he will look different because of the chemo. If you know me well (mother), you know I HATE change of any sort so I know it will be rough on me. Luckily I came back to friends who love me so well so so well, they know just how to make me smile, whether they are aware of it or not, God has given them the ability to love me just how I need it. I also know that they are willing and wanting to learn more about how to be there for me during this (right kaseface ;) we had a great pillow talk one night!). You guys know who you are and you make me laugh way too hard, tease me, distract me with your humor and ridiculous stories-I could not have gotten better sisters.

Anyways, some good God time during my drives back and forth and here is what i would like to write about it....

1)On Wednesday at practice Coach reminded the team to pray for daddy and my teammates mom. He also mentioned that he had talked to my dad the night before, and that my dad had expressed to him that he was in good spirits, but he was more concerned about his family. Well I was fine before that, ready for my tough workout, but that just got me I was so touched by my dad's selflessness and I just felt so loved at that moment by him and so thankful that I have such a solid dad. Tears came though I tried to hide them, luckily I had a good friend next to me who gave a smile and pat on the back and that was all I needed to get back on my feet. God's love is present in even the smallest of actions.

2)In chapel Friday, we sang Mighty to Save, and one line really tugged at my heart "shine your light and let the whole world see, we're singing for the glory of the risen King". That is a new prayer of mine, that through all the the world can see Jesus, that we can be lights for Him through this with every action and with the trust we enable to Him.

3)Ok and this next point is really embarrassing to write/semi juvenile, but whatever it is a big lesson I am learning to be content with and saying it out loud to whoever is actually reading this is good for me. One thing I realized on my drive home, is why I am single. For those of you reading this who know my lovelife, well it has been completely non-existent through college, and at a small christian college that is sometimes hard to deal with because of the whole pressure for a "ring by spring" plus everyone around you getting engaged as a senior. I am going to be very self-centered right now and state; shoot lets be honest I am a catch! So it has been a question I ask God every now and then wondering why I have had no interest in me from boys during college? WELLLL, driving does well for my thoughts, because...God wants me to learn these things alone, to experience what He is trying to teach me through this stuff for myself. So, when I do meet someone I am wiser, with my head on straight, priorities in line. I very much get annoyed with immature relationships filled with drama, always wondering if he is "just not that into me"; and I feel like with these things I am learning that any relationship I have will be much more mature because of how quickly I am finding myself maturing spiritually. This is hard to explain in words, but I swear it makes sense in my head, and the bottom line is I am happy and accepting that I am single through this and I know it is right. However, if I meet someone who matches all my (and my parents) criteria I am a woman and have the right to change my mind ;)

4) On the drive back to school Matt Redman's version of "You Never Let Go" came on, and boy oh boy was I praising God, (while driving very safely mother). Listen to it, it gives amazing comfort with the simplest of words.

So my heart is still holding on, clinging to my God because I know He aint never gona let go of me, taytay, mommy, and especially daddy.

*Daddy starts chemo Monday please pray it doesnt make him too sick, and that he can regain some strength in his legs. (I am selfishly hoping he feels well enough to come to my first track meet of the year Feb 6).

God will be glorified through this, some days are harded to trust Him than others and that is when why we need you guys to pray for us.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

senior sem reflection on 'Knowing God's Will'

Wow, this first section of the book was so exactly what I needed to hear, and what I am actually already very aware that I am currently learning. At the beginning of this year when I had a pre-season meeting with Coach Smelley I was really stressing about God’s will for my future was; what I would be doing come graduation, where I would live, having to leave my friends, and having to be a grown up. He saw that I was very restless and encouraged me to give this to God and rely on Him for whatever was to come. When I met with Coach again the day before Christmas break he instantly saw a new spirit in me; he commented on how as the semester had continued on he saw me grow up a lot, all in the midst of a couple months. I felt it too; I felt reassured that God had me under his wings, and I felt okay that the next year was not planned. Well over Christmas break I learned why God had helped me mature very fast and have a solid trust in His plans; my family was informed on December 29 that my Dad has stage-4lung cancer that has metastasized to his bones and brain. We were completely happy and normal before that day just as Sittser states, “But that happiness-what we assumed was the “will of God” for our lives-came to a sudden halt…”(Sittser, 21). Never in a million years did we think this was going to happen to us, but this is the life God had planned for us so we are forced to do nothing but deal with it. One part of me is still figuring this huge surprise in the road, and waiting to wake up from this dream and hear a doctor say, “just kidding your daddy is going to be just fine, we made a mistake!” Another part of me deep down knows I must accept this as God’s will, Sittser made a statement that I have been reading over and over, “Or did God plan something very different for me, something still good, but also hard and painful at the same time?”(22). This news of my father made it even more evident that we have no idea what forks in the road God will present, so worrying about the future is unnecessary and all we can do is prepare ourselves for whatever it is that does come our way. Surrounding us with solid friends and family, digging into God’s word, and practicing His presence and trust. God’s will is always whatever is at hand; there is not wrong path to choose if you are living a Christ-centered life that follows His commands. Ceasing worrying about the future and living a life full of anxiety Sittser also points out is warned against in the Bible, so currently I am learning to be assured that God is in control. To hear a man like Sittser who has had so much pain and disappointment tell me to stop worrying is so encouraging. I am going to do God’s will to trust in Him during this season of pain in my family because, “He wants us to do His will because he knows this will bring us true happiness”(26). While it is hard to believe these tears shed by my family are the will of God, everyday I am learning to trust and I know we will all be okay and will all be better lights for God because of it. Sittser sums it up best with his statement, “This God will take care of tomorrow; thus, we must concentrate our energies on today”(30).

finding his strength during today's workout

This morning we had track practice, consisting of; 20ish minute warm-up(up arcady knapp) , 12x400 meters(at 97), then 15 min run(old-lady loop), then barefoot 5x150m (just striding). About halfway through the 400s I hit a wall, I was so tired from a week of solid workouts and from nailing my mile/1000 intervals the day before, and I am on my 2nd day of a cold thats all up in my head making my brain even more fuzzy than it is these days. I took a little break to wait for the group that was behind mine, during that break the fatigue and frustration brought the tears, when the next group came court prayed for me real quick that I could feel God's strength and calmness during the rest of the workout. Well I actually made all my times for the rest of the workout, sometimes even running too fast. It was amazing I was ready to be done halfway through but then court prayed and I experienced this strength that was no where to be found during the first half of the workout. I am learning to breathe and adjust here again, and I am off to have tea with the track ladies :)

My new favorite song...

Your Hands-JJ Heller

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when...

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave...
I never leave Your hands

His will for me

For senior seminar we are reading The Will of God as a Way of Life by Jerry Sittser, after only reading the first 3 pages I found myself in tears, needless to say I think I am going to be getting a whole lot out of this book. I have to write a response on the first chapter which I will do this weekend and post on here because it basically is going to be all about the circumstances surrounding my Dad because the first chapter was speaking directly about what I know God is trying to teach me right now.

But for now I will leave this excerpt from the book as a teaser...

"I could not believe that God had suddenly changed his mind about what he willed for us-a good marriage, and a healthy family. How, then, could my life as a single father of three traumatized children also be the will of God? The accident forced me to reconsider me assumptions about God's will. Did God plan only "the good life" for me? If so, I wondered how I could integrate suffering into my understanding of God's will. Or did God plan something very different for me, something still good, but also hard and painful at the same time? If so, I had to face the prospect that my approach to the will of God was entirely mistaken."

surprised by joy...

*Today it became official that I am going to be leigh's head cross-country coach for next year! It all happened so quickly, but so perfectly, my Dad said God must have been holding onto this for me. I am extremely excited, since coaching is one thing for sure I know I want to do with my kinesiology degree. Not much is known about the future, but this is one thing I know is happening.

1 more full day left at home, I am very much not looking forward to going back to school, which is a first for me since transferring to westmont. I don't want to deal with all the people, with the distance from home/family, it is going to be exhausting trying to run hard and be successful during my last season of running, it is going to be exhausting trying to do schoolwork. It is also going to be hard to motivate myself to do the normal things like school, practice, friends etc. when I know there is so much other more important things in life and when everyday is precious with my dad. There is that blunt enough? I don't mean to sound rude or judgemental, but little things I used to worry about or that I hear my friends complain about seem so utterly pointless and immature when in comparison to this stuff. So I am praying that my attitude is able to get better so I can again be a leader on the team, and a listening ear to my friends and teammates like I was this past semester; I still have an obligation to be a good friend to them even though I have a sucky situation in my life.

Ok I got the negativity out so now time to hop back on the happy train, cuz I get to be a coach!

"normal"

Daddy is home, and radiation began yesterday on his brain. It is so much nicer to have him home, the hospital was depressing and stressful with everything going on and nurses constantly coming in. It seems a little more "normal", as normal can be for us nowadays anyways. It was nice to finally get to some family time, all of us sitting in the living room watching the office, hearing my dads laugh again, me and taylor bickering over who had more room on the couch, and mom running around cleaning things that don't look like they need cleaning to our eyes, but she has a special dirt radar.

(i ended an amazing run yesterday with this song...)

Your love, oh Lord
Reaches to the heavens
Your faithfulness stretches to the sky
Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains
Your justice flows like the ocean's tide

I will lift my voice
To worship You, my King
I will find my strength
In the shadow of your wings

bad timing...

not gona lie tonight i feel crappy, I don't want to go back to school this sunday, but I know I have to. But I want more time home with my family, I feel cheated, stupid school. I feel torn, part of me wants to be back with my friends, my team, my classes-but the other part of me want to be able to spend time with my dad everyday.

this sucks

sucks

sucks

sucks.

i forgot..

daddy starts radiation on brain tomorrow, and may get to come home wednesday or thursday :)

the course is marked, the gun has gone off, and my legs are taking flight...

ya this is the kid the hospital volunteers are swooning over...
this pic is the theme of this blog...

1)Ok so funny story of the day...
My mom's friend came to the hospital to visit Daddy and her daughter who volunteers at the hospital came along. I guess the daughter was just down in the break room and two other volunteer girls were in there talking about some super cute boy on the 5th floor...well my brother's ego just went up another 5 levels, because yes, it was Taytay the girls were talking about. Oh dear I don't know what to about this kid haha...

2)Tonight I was lucky enough to go on a date with my awesome cousin :) We talked about lots, one thing we talked about was how this deal with my Dad feels like a dream, and how so many people we know are also fighting this dream. We also talked about other situations like people with disabilities and how rough life can be at times for those with a disability (I prefer saying a difference) and their families; feelings of sadness, frustration, anger. This made me think again about how there really is no "normal" category (or at least people should not be so close-minded and selfish to think something is normal); I worked with kids with differences this summer who had more joy and spunk for life than some people who would be categorized as "normal". We can be angry at the situation brought into our bodies, but who are we to complain about the life God gas brought before us? My cousin made the point that this experience with my Dad is very humbling; thinking now, it SO is. How can I whine that this is not fair? What IS fair? What IS a normal life? There is no normal or fair life; we take what we are given and we just grab it by the horns and run with it because there is nothing else we can do. Don't ask questions, just go. When a race starts I don't ask anyone how hard this is going to be, or how it is going to end up. I just let my legs take me where the course mapped out for me goes, I follow the path and see where it ends up. Wow that was a real deep metaphor it just came off the top of my head, I am definitely saving this one! My cousin said this life is not for us anyways. So true. This life is for us to glorify God with, not to plot OUR plan for our perfect fairy tale ending.

3)"I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand."(Psalm16:7-11)
I was doing some exercises and reading psalms, and this stuck out to me tonight. I really like the "you will fill me with joy in your presence". Honestly one of the last nights before coming home for break I was talking to a friend about this other friend of mine who has a very similar situation as my family does now. What I was saying was how impressed I am with this friend with the joy they are able to find in life, in all situations, even if we are studying all night or driving two hours at 4 am, this person has brought more energy and happiness to my life than people who are not going through what my friend is. Anyways I was telling a friend how I don't know how I would even be able to get out of bed, nevertheless smile and laugh, if I was in my friend's shoes. Well, moral of the story is that God can surprise you with the strength He stirs up in you when it is your turn to go through a rough season.

for I know the plans I have for you...

Today Daddy got moved out of the ICU back up the the 5th floor, a much happier place compared to the ICU. My Daddy got in trouble today for having too many visitors (he would), the nurses thought it was making him more tired; but nevertheless people keep coming and we are SO not complaining and neither is Dad.
Today I was also lucky enough to visit with one of my best friends from 6th grade through high school, one of my beloved "3 musketeers", if anyone can make me laugh and keep my spirits up she is the girl for it. We mostly talked about the happier stuff in our lives, and how weird it is we are graduating college. One thing we talked about was post-graduation plans' we both threw out different ideas about what we hope to do, but at the end of the day we both could only say-but who really knows what is going to happen. She commented that she was freaking out more about the future early this year, but has since calmed down and is actually happier that she doesn't have concrete plans for next fall because she can do whatever she wants next fall because her mind keeps changing. I left our visit in very good spirits, and thinking about how we can make all the plans we want, but in the drop of a hat our world can change. If we focus on making plans for next week or next year, we won't be living everyday to it's fullest. Pondering the future of our family is too difficult to do, and really rather pointless. Taking everyday in stride is my goal right now, worrying about tomorrow or a few years from now will tear me apart with this situation. So I am making the vow to stop worrying so much about the future and to enjoy every day I have with my family. What will come will come and I don't need to be tied down by plans a year from now so I can do whatever it is I need to do and whatever it is God wants me to do and be wherever God will use me most.

Watching Julie and Julia

Yesterday my Daddy made a comment about how Jerry (his step-dad; his real dad passed away from lung cancer when I was in 5th grade, his mom remarried my sophomore year of high school), better stay around for my grandma and that he needs to get healthier but loves dessert too much haha (it was all in a loving spirit). So I, being the health freak I am, decided to show Jerry that you can eat all the dessert you want if you make it healthy! So this morning I made a fabulous batch of oatmeal cookies-kaela style, meaning applesauce, splenda brown sugar, etc. Can I side track and say what a blessing my grandma (dads mom) does not have to go through this alone? What a plan God had to bring such a solid, smart, strong-faithed man like Jerry into my grandmas life-it isnt too bad either that they are willing to help get me and taytay through college on the financial aspect too.

Afterwards I went out for my run, I have been due for a threshold run but have not felt very strong (emotionally and physically) to focus on a workout like that, but I have had the strength to do several distance runs at a very good pace. As I have been on my runs I have been listening to a great playlist of comforting worship songs, and the same phrase keeps coming up in several songs and tugging on my heart and my legs "I lift my eyes onto the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth". Well at home here there are hills every which way I look, and these hills have been giving me strength every time I look at them, a little mental push to take that next step physically and keep back the tears emotionally. So anyways what I am trying to say is that I ran a great 30 minute threshold today! I think what did it was right at the beginning I looked up to the mountains and I literally felt this rush of power, of God's love, transcend into my tired little body. I ended my run at the hospital to say hey to Daddy and Mom, but he was pretty out of it cuz of the pain meds so I let him sleep, but he is quite the funny guy-he was trying so hard to chat with me but he kept dozing off haha, oh dad.

Tonight I was not feeling very well so I had a good healthy dinner and am watching Julie and Julia while I blog this (probably the motivation for my blog haha-and so I don't have to do annoying facebook notes whenever I feel there is something I need to share). At the beginning of the movie Julie Powell says this after a hard day at work when she decided to make a chocolate cream pie, ""You know what I love about cooking? I love that after a day when nothing is sure and when I say nothing, I mean nothing. You can come home and absolutely know that if you add egg yolks to chocolate and sugar and milk, it will get thick. That's such a comfort." Amen sista, thats how I felt after making (and eating several) of my healthy healthy cookies. Expect lots of baking this semester at huddle group xc ladies!

But you know, baking is not the only thing that can be consistent. Do I need to even point out the obvious? Christ is really the only thing in our lives that is going to be consistent, that is going to be there for us day in and day out. Even on the suckiest of sucky days, when we faceplant and land an inch away from a pile of dog crap (this happened monday before all this crap went down, but you get the point).

Text from my mom at Midnight on new years eve "Love you k la i know God has the next year under control even though it feels like our world is falling apart right now" so true so so so true.

Day 3...

Just wanted to write this in response to all of your messages/texts/voicemails/emails/thoughts I am not even aware of...

~It is only day 3 of what is going to be a very long road for me and my fam, and I have already seen God's hand SO evident in it all, in fact I don't think I have ever seen God's beautiful work so fast, it usually takes some time to learn from experiences, but this time is different. I cannot even describe what comfort, love, contentment, and trust He has provided through all of your actions, know you are all VERY VERY(i could write like a million verys) much being used in my life (as well as the rest of my familys).
~God has definitely set us 4 up right for this very(again with the verys) sucky situation; the fact that my mom's sisters and parents all live in the area, the fact that my dad's mom/stepdad live here, that the couples my parents had bible study with forever live here, as well as many of their other lifetime friends, that me and Taylor get to go through this together at the same college (i don't think i could do this without him coming back to school with me), my beautiful blessings of roommates Kels and Kase, as well as the other most amazing friends at westmont I could have found, that I have a faith-filled Coach who has been here as well as several good friends who have dealt/are dealing with the same scenario, that my dad knows many of the doctors at Good Sam, and that my Daddy is a man of deep faith(Praise the Lord for this one especially) and that me and my brother have also found our solid relationships with our Heavenly Father, and that we have one feisty Mommy dependent on the Lord as well.
~Ok that is enough sentimental stuff for tonight. But please know that I have read every single message received, and listened to every voicemail, and I have cried tears of joy to every one simply because I am so in awe of how much God is hugging me and encouraging me to trust Him through everyone. I will respond to them all in time, and will continue reading any notes of encouragement so please do not feel like you are bothering me if you even send me a random text like "hello", with every "how are you" I feel God's presence with our family.
~It is going to be a tough year, but a year full of watching God's perfect handiwork, He has never failed us in the past to deliver, so I don't expect any less to happen with this season of our lives no matter what the outcome is.
~I am going to use Coach Smelley's story for my sign off and say...
*Choosing Joy* (you all make it much easier to do so)

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends ALL understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." philippians 4:4-7

*I now know why this verse has been highlighted in my bible since before I even fully committed my life to Christ-He has a plan*

The beginning

Hi dearest friends,

I really really don't want to be writing this and having to share my burden with you all but my family is desperate for some prayer or some anything to help fight this... we just got it confirmed today that my Daddy has stage IV lung cancer, it is in one of his lungs and has spread to his bones and brain so basically it SUCKS, they said an amount of time he has but I don't really feel like saying it cuz they are not in charge of that/I don't need to deal with that yet.

So basically I am writing this because you must be someone that knows me or my family well, and you are one of my people that means a lot to me. Also, because you must be someone I know I can count on for your prayers and good thoughts... 1)that my Dad will miraculously be healed 2)pray for my mom, she has to be stronger than ever and it is going to be tough with me and tay so far away 3) that I can be there for my brother in whatever way he needs it(what a God thing that we are both at westmont).

You don't have to respond if you don't want because as coach always says, I know you don't know what to say, I don't even know what to say or what I need to hear...just being my friend is more than enough right now :)