It was just incredibly sunny, I was about to go run in shorts, but now it is cold, dark, and pouring some sort of snow/hail hybrid...it came on very suddenly (my poor aunt!). But this weather is a very appropriate explanation as to how I have been feeling this last month. The sun part is the fact that my Dad just got his latest pet scan back, now new growth! praise the Lord for the work He has done! However, the hail is my realization and acceptance today that my Dad has changed drastically this last month, it was a slow, gradual process. It seems as if he has aged 10 years in the last month, moving slower, less energy, cannot see because of cataracts in both eyes, everything takes a little bit longer to process and perform. He does not appear to be as an average 54 year old should be. I am not supposed to be helping my Dad to read and drive, I am not supposed to get frustrated with his hearing, low energy levels-this is supposed to happen when your parents are the crazy grandparents! Do I feel bad about getting frustrated with my Dad who has cancer, heck yes, but I am more frustrated with the situation not him. I have said this too many times before but it sucks, and it is not fair for him to feel this way. Then I remember what God had to see his son go through. Far worse. I know my Dad is being used just as Christ was. I type that and a peace comes over me, and I feel empowered, and entrusted with a great story, and then I get the energy to go run through the hail. After all my aunt is out there riding 100 miles in it, with a purple jersey on showing her support for stupid cancer, she is a beast as my brother would say. Yesterday we drove around just to see all the beauty that Lake Tahoe in the snow has to offer...during which my Dad was dealing with the repercussions of post-chemo days (details not necessary haha) and he could not stop aweing over the beauty "How can someone see Tahoe and not believe in God", the dude was dealing with nausea, could barely even see, and had his heating pad on his back. that is what he said rather than complaining.
The point of this post is; yes there may be hail and nausea every now and then, but those moments of sun, when we are able to see God's glory and beauty can get us to ride through the hail. As I type that the sun is coming back out, I am sure this is a relief for my aunt, and the thought of sun is what kept her riding through the hail, because she knew the hail cannot last. That must also be what keeps my Dad fighting everyday, knowing there will be good days ahead, days where he is able to see that beauty. I guess I just taught myself my own lesson; kaela, somedays are going to suck, your Dad is going to act more like a grandpa than a 54 year old Daddy. But there will also be days where he points out the beauty of life and teaches you more than you can imagine and is the Dad you have always known. After all, God had his son rise from the grave after being tortured.
Wow, the rain is slowing down. I think this is my sign to go for a run.
Aunt Beth, you are a straight up Beast, I may run marathons, but you ride 100miles in the hail. Dad, you are a beast as well, I complain about feeling car sick, and you just point out the beauty of the lake our creator made. Lucky to have you guys as my teachers.
Off to go run, because I can. The rain has slowed even more. :)
