perfectly made

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." Jeremiah 1:5

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

We know God made us perfect in His eyes, we are exactly how He intended. We also know that God does not do bad things to us, or wish painful experiences like cancer on us. We also know that God can defeat any evil. So then why does disease and disaster happen in this world? I don't think we will ever fully know this answer until we actually get an explanation from God, not that we even need an explanation, since it is HIS world, not ours, and we are simply his tools.

Well those ponderings have been brief questions in my mind throughout these past few months, and as usual my brain got a thinkin on my run yesterday. I swear I get different workouts from the rest of the girls on just the right days when God has some thinking for me to do, because yesterday I was sent on a longer run than the rest so I had some good Kaela and God time...

Here is what my brain worked through: I know this cancer did not surprise God, I am positive He has known since He decided there was going to be a Kevin Hoch that this Kevin was also going to have cancer. Why God decided it was going to happen now, well there is proof of God's perfect timeline because as I said before if it happened any earlier I would not have been as solid in my faith, me and Tay would not be at the same school, Grandma has Jerry etc. etc. So why would the "perfect" construction in God's eyes of my Dad contain cancer? Well that leads me back to this summer when I worked with kids and adults with disabilities; most of us would not think someone who is in a wheelchair 24/7 with cerebral palsy, or a child with Down's Syndrome, as perfectly made or "normal". After working with some of the most joyful kids I have ever seen, I concluded there really is no "normal" in God's eyes. So you know since there is no absolute worldly perfect or normal, maybe perfect in God's eyes for my Dad included cancer, that is just his normal. And for Blaire, God's perfect includes Down's Syndrome, and for Dylan it includes Cerebral Palsy. What I am realizing is I need to get over thinking, "man, what happened to my average, normal life", NO, my life is still perfectly made and normalized in God's plan, it is just a different normal than what I have known. Because I am not good with change, this is going to be a working process accepting this new normal, but I am getting there.

And that's the way it is (so tempted to break out into celine dion right now), and I am "saying YES to God in a big way everyday"-not my words, thanks Kate ;)

I hope this made sense, it is really hard to put my running thoughts down on paper, I swear I need to carry a voice recorder with me as I run or something!