“I don’t know what’s to become of me. It seems that a tranquil soul and a quiet spirit come to me even while I sleep. Because I am at rest, the trials of life bring me no suffering. I don’t know what God has in store for me, but I feel so serene it doesn’t matter. What do I have to be afraid of when I’m with Him? I stay with Him as much as I can. May He be blessed for everything! Amen.” Brother Lawrence, The practice of the presence of God p.43
This kind of describes where my heart is right now, it is a really cool and beautiful feeling, to have your heart being held by the One who wants the best for it and wants good for you. Without this relationship I have been building with God since the 2nd month of my freshman year of college, I would not be here everyday with a smile on my face amongst the pain my family is going through with my Dad’s cancer. Don’t get me wrong, I cry, I hurt, I worry, but anytime this seemingly unredeemable situation gets the better of me, this amazing blanket of peace just transcends my whole being and a smile becomes so easily formed on my face and I feel this strong sense of joy that keeps me from collapsing. Before December 29 this year, I always said that if one of my parents or brother got cancer I would be unable to stand upright, and more so, find joy in life. However, the night we found out, I spent a few moments by myself reflecting, and believe it or not the verse that I happened to turn to in my Bible was 1 Thessalonians 5:16, “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus”. So because I had this relationship with God that had been forming through various other personal struggles in my life, this peace amongst the madness was so easily granted to me because I have seen Him get me through it before and turn it all to good. I am not saying I am using Him as a security blanket, because with a mature relationship with God I know it is so much more than that, but I am saying I am walking through this holding God’s hand and listening to what He has to teach me and how He wants to use me because of this. Now I know not everyone’s family members have cancer, but even in your own trials, disappointments, confusion I pray you can find this peace I have. I am just encouraging you to get right with God before something surprising happens, don’t wait, or if you are in a storm right now, I pray you wil allow Him to mold your heart and to let go of your own clenched fists and allow Him to hold your hand and walk with you.
“Those who have the wind of the Holy Spirit in their souls glide ahead even while they sleep. If the vessel of our soul is still being tossed by winds or storms, we should wake the Lord who has been resting with us all along, and He will swiftly calm the sea”(p.31)
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