Finishing the Race WELL

However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me-the task of testifying to the good news of God's grace. Acts 20:24

I have connected this process of watching Dad struggle with cancer to running in so many ways, but right now I am at a point in the race I did not expect to come...the final miles.
Do not get me wrong, I still have childlike faith that a miracle IS fully possible, because that is Our God who is in control of Dad's time here, but at the same time I am acknowledging the state we are in.
While talking to a dear friend last week, this connection came to me as we both shared about struggles going on in our family lives (we ALSO have AWESOME JOYFUL things going on too!)  As said many times before "He gives, and takes away"  ya God is taking some things away from us, but shoot dang He is giving us some pretty awesome blessings too...

When Dad first got diagnosed Dec 29 2009, I always said I signed up for a race, I said "let's go God" on the floor of the Oncology bathroom through tears.  The past 2 years and 9months I have cried, prayed, praised, fought, surrendered and many more adjectives.  I have read books, listened to sermons, heard speakers, searched the hearts of many wise friends and mentors, and told my story to so many campers I could recite my testimony in my sleep.  

Bottom line-I have put in the training for this marathon.

Now it is race day.

Dad is not doing so hot, wouldn't call him the temperature of an ice bath, more like the temperature of the Pondy pool after night games...you can withstand it, but when you get out you freeze your butt off.  
[I don't even know if that made sense, I have been up since 4:30am for work, give me grace.]
Anyways, it is race day, Dad is on oxygen, moving much much more slowly than ever, very skinny, low energy, I'd say we are close to how he was when first diagnosed.
Tomorrow we hear results from his latest scan, this is the first time my mom has said she is not expecting good news.  For all the other scan she has said she is not expecting anything new.

Scary.

So it is race day, we are beginning the final miles of this marathon, not sure yet what mile we are on, but its in the final painful, grueling miles.  Our fatigue has hit, our glycogen stores have run out.  

This is what we have been training for.

This is where all we can do is lean on the cheering of our friends on the sideline, the confidence that we will taste victory when we cross that finish line, and lean on the knowledge that God WILL carry us through to the end. 
When we cross that finish line, it will be very painful, even the endorphins of finishing the race cannot cover up the stress our muscles and bunions have been through, but at the same time there is that joy of victory that we just thrived through a terrible storm and God helped us finish the race even when at times we thought it was unbearable.  When it is my Dad's time to go, it is still going to be very painful, we are human and this stuff hurts and sucks and blows and is not fair.  But you know what my Dad reminds me every time I go lie next to him and get my snot and tears all over his shirt..."Kaela, where do I get to go when I pass away?"...heaven, Dad, with Jesus, and Grandpa Hoch, and you will have no pain, and you can run and play basketball with Jesus, maybe referee some basketball games for the disciples, BBQ tri-tip, build an even more epic playhouse for when I get there, and check on Strawberry the cat.
I like that picture of my dad, refereeing for the disciples.  I bet him and my Grandpa are going to make a Young Life club in heaven for all the teenagers too, and play ridiculous games.

Now I am rambling.  But, we are in the final miles.  We don't know what the doctor is going to say tomorrow, but we do still know that God is in charge, not the doctors.

I also know, God is good no matter what happens tomorrow.  So So Good.  He has blessed our butts off and blew our minds during this marathon.  So many lessons learned about him through this, so much growth in each of our relationships with God, so much growth as a family, and little packets of Gu along the way like new jobs, precious visits with family, trips my parents got to take together, financial help, the opportunity for me to live at home and spend some great moments with my Dad.

So as mentioned at the top, our only job after whatever we hear tomorrow is to finish the race, praising our Heavenly Father's name all along the way, whether it is 15 years from now like Hezekiah in Isaiah 38...

In those days Hezekiah became ill and was at the point of death. The prophet Isaiah son of Amoz went to him and said, “This is what the Lord says: Put your house in order, because you are going to die; you will not recover.”

² Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the Lord, ³ “Remember, Lord, how I have walkedbefore you faithfully and with wholehearted devotionand have done what is good in your eyes.” And Hezekiah wept bitterly.
⁴ Then the word of the Lord came to Isaiah: ⁵ “Go and tell Hezekiah, ‘This is what the Lord, the God of your father David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will add fifteen years to your life. ⁶ And I will deliver you and this city from the hand of the king of Assyria. I will defend this city.


¹⁰ I said, “In the prime of my life
    must I go through the gates of death
    and be robbed of the rest of my years?”
¹¹ I said, “I will not again see the Lord himself
    in the land of the living;
no longer will I look on my fellow man,
    or be with those who now dwell in this world.
¹² Like a shepherd’s tent my house
    has been pulled down and taken from me.
Like a weaver I have rolled up my life,
    and he has cut me off from the loom;
    day and night you made an end of me.
¹³ I waited patiently till dawn,
    but like a lion he broke all my bones;
    day and night you made an end of me.
¹⁴ I cried like a swift or thrush,
    I moaned like a mourning dove.
My eyes grew weak as I looked to the heavens.
    I am being threatened; Lord, come to my aid!”


or whether it is less than 15years, I will still praise His name...
Psalm 121

¹ I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
² My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

³ He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;
⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

⁷ The Lord will keep you from all harm—
    he will watch over your life;
⁸ the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore.

^{Because He makes all things work together for my good.}

²⁶ In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. ²⁷ And he who searches our heartsknows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.
²⁸ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who^[i] have been calledaccording to his purpose. 

ignore the cheesy videos, listen to the lyrics.

My Hope is in You Lord.