I guess it started at SDSU when life personally was tough and I was dealing with, well, me, me and the great divide between me and God and in all my stupidity and stubborness I wouldn't cross it. So I started running again, something I gave up on in a time that I gave up on myself and who I was and instead tried becoming someone I thought others wanted me to be. I went into my own world with just God running around that campus, sometimes we would converse nicely with a little switchfoot in the background, often it would be an argument on my side with some trapt playing, other times worship music would be on and I would just run in awe of Him as I realized what He was doing with my life, and sometimes some tear jerking Kelly Clarkson would be on as I was realizing what God was calling me to do. Every weekend and everyday I did not have class I would escape to PB and mission to go for a long run along the beach [anybody recall where I just accomplished my first marathon? ya, a little meaningful finishing through the park I ran my way back to life abundant that freshman year of college, this time with my 3 best friends at the finish line and lil brother trailing behind me].
I ran my way back to loving running for the simple joy it brings me and the closeness I feel to God when I do it-I got 5 seasons of xc/track at westmont to run blissfully and carefree, not fighting through anything except the occasional "he likes me, he likes me not", "is he EVER going to ask me to formal?", or the more frequent "bathroom break anyone?", oh man life was simpler ;)
"I often feel out of place, self-concious about the sadness I carry around with me-the shadow that I know will get darker before it lifts. On Fire-Island, I don't have to apologize for it or even explain. My head feels lighter here, clearer."(45) [Fire Island was a place filled with people somehow connected with AIDS]. She felt free at fire-island because everyone else understood the idea of suffering, either because they themselves were suffering or someone they loved were-she was free to grieve or not because they got it. Well, when I am running it is like that, I am on my own fire-island, but God is the only inhabitant. When I am running I feel free from the chains cancer sometimes overwhelms us with. It is one time where if the weight of the world comes upon me I feel like I can do something about it. I can look up to the sky see a cloud, raindrop, beautiful orange leaf, fog covered mountains, and focus on that and see it as a sign from God that He is reminding me He is with me and comforting me and FOR me. On Wednesday I was running early in the morning, a little down in thought, and then The After's song 'Light up the Sky' came on my ipod and I looked up and saw this bird gracefully fly above me across the bluest brightest sky-just a reminder that he is there and he has such a bright sky up ahead and right now. Those are the times I typically pick up the pace and get this goofy grin on my face, drivers must look at me and think I am mentally insane, if you ever view this, well, you are seeing God's daily gift and reminder to me and you are welcome to take part of it, I insist.
All I read of The Long Goodbye was 2 pages and then this essay poured out of my soul, I don't think this book will be finished anytime soon, sorry coach, but it had too much depth to knock out at once!
11miles of goofy grinning in the morning so that is all for tonight.
The Afters-Light up the Sky...check it.
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