Now that I am up here at Ponderosa I have rarely anytime to blog, so I have been noting entries from my journal that I need to add to update my friends on what I am learning...
I have been realizing these past few months that my life is probably not going to turn out to be the perfect fairytale as I have expected growing up a fanatic of disney.
BUT it IS still perfect.
Tonight during the "real confessions" video it was really hard to hear my own voice acknowledge dad's cancer, so so hard, each time I replayed those words "my dad has cancer" in my head I felt my soul sting. However, I also think hearing that every week on the video is going to be a good reminder to listen to my own life every now and then when it is so easy to completely lose myself in loving others and listening to others struggles (don't get me wrong I totally love and thrive off loving others and walking alongside them in their hard times).
After watching the video I cried for pretty much the next 2 songs while trying not to let my cabin see the tears because I wanted them to know I could be there for them afterwards. I had no idea how I was going to be able to be a strong counselor for them later on that night when all I felt like doing was running outside and having kelsey and kasey hold me and let me cry like they let me these past months.
But, I prayed for strength, and as I am reminded time and time again...prayers are answered. God took away that desire and feeling on inadequateness so fast. I was smiling and filled with a joyful heart by the end of worship and left for the cabin porch with a renewed feeling of strength and was able to set aside myself and hold one of my campers as she cried.
Thank you Lord, I know I am here to LOVE, you made that so evident tonight, so I am going to keep on keeping on with you carrying me.
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